WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
