just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
