How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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