this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
