My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize