mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
