I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
