we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
