Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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