Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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