All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
