i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
