The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
