Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will be naked everywhere
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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