his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
