so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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