Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
