Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
