there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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