I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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