I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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