How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
