Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
