He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
