You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
