At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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