I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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