you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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