It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
