There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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