Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
