i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
