told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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