Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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