Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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