she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
