I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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