I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
