you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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