Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
