hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
two words: eviction party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
