so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
