After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
