whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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