He is an equal opportunity slut.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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