bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
