we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
