where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
