I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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