i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
