the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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