I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
