Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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