She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
