I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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