My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
