I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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