Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
