You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
