yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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