i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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