before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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