Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
