i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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