We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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