My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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