and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize