Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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