It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
