I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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