i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
