I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
