started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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