I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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